Updated: Oct 20, 2021
What if I'd done this differently? What if I'd taken better care of my body? What if I didn't have those thoughts? Guilt is an emotion that many feel after a miscarriage. As a mother, it is your job to protect that baby from whatever life may throw your way. It is a natural response to feel this way. It also does not help that any internet search will provide information on the dos and do nots of pregnancy.
But I am here to tell you that your miscarriage is/was NOT your fault. Blaming yourself can actually negatively impact your health. When your thoughts are consumed with negative emotions, this can contribute to physical and mental health issues. The longer you stay "stuck" in guilt, the longer it can create stagnation. This stagnation will impede detoxification and contribute to inflammation.
Guilt can interfere with your fight or flight stress response, which interferes with your hormones and immune function. It can increase blood pressure and inflammatory markers like c-reactive protein. Other symptoms may manifest, such as pain, fatigue, depression, anxiety and fear. Sometimes the onset of a chronic illness can be triggered.
The word emotion, contains the word motion. Your emotions are meant to move through your bodies. You need to release them through expressing and processing. Only then can you start to experience healing.
Your sense of smell is the only one of your five senses that is directly linked to the limbic system. (More on the limbic system here). This makes sense of smell and essential oils the most direct path to assist in healing emotions like guilt. Essential oils upon inhalation can move emotions so they do not remain in your thought patterns.
Here are 3 oils to help release your guilt:
1. Bergamot (Citrus bergamia) is one of my favourite oils for releasing guilt. It is refreshing,
relaxing, uplifting. If you choose to apply this oil on your skin, please find one that is
bergaptene free. This oil is phototoxic. Meaning it can cause a harmful reaction when your
skin is exposed to UV light.
2. Clary Sage (Salvia sclarea) ability to release guilt is found in it's name. Clary means
"clear" and Salvia means "to save, or heal". It has a warm, musky, and slightly spicy smell.
3. Vetiver (Vetiveria zizanoides) reminds me of a campfire on a summer evening. The
smokey smell can calm a hyperactive mind.
Use these oils alongside these methods:
Identify your guilt by writing in a journal. Write all about the emotion. Where it came from. When it first started. What happened. Any physical symptoms you feel with it. How you can forgive yourself.
Pray everything you have written down back to God. Ask Our Lady of Sorrows to help you through this guilt.
Continue to identify your guilt and release it. After you have done the initial work, guilt can sometimes come creeping back in. Continue to offer up an easy prayer to remember to help you continue to feel guilt free. Something like, "Lord, I am giving you my guilt." or "Jesus, I trust in you." You may also find that you may have to repeat these steps from time to time.
Guilt affects your ability to be truly joyful and to live a fulfilling life after loss.
If you are interested in learning more about essential oils for grief or working with me. Please contact me here.